Monday, August 5, 2013

Birthday Reflections

Two years ago if you would have told me that this is what my life would be like now, I would have laughed in your face. Never in my wildest dreams, but obviously in God's, could I have imagined that I would be the mother to two boys, working from home, leading a support group, and running two book clubs. Obviously, I do more than just that...but this life holds such a stark contrast to what my life was like not so long ago.

What has been this year's biggest blessing? Falling in love. Not with just one person or idea or thing. With so many things! This past year has taught me selflessness from so many angles. I feel like I have grown so much this year. Richer relationships, supporting women who are walking my road, spreading the good news of the beauty of adoption, and making new friends all along those paths. But, I will say that 35 wasn't easy this year. I feel like I am just a breath away from 40. Which scares me. I don't look 35, I don't feel 35, I don't act 35. Do I?? 35 hit me hard, no doubt.

Forever I will share a birthday week with my youngest son now. You see, last year we brought Jake home from the hospital as a tiny newborn ON MY BIRTHDAY. You tell me God doesn't make beauty from ashes?! I have lived it. When we walked in that door carrying our newborn son in to meet my whole family, I can't even begin to tell you the indescribable joy that day brought us. After 8 years of longing and waiting, this happened.

Best. Day. Of. My. Life.

You want to talk about selflessness? Not only was that the best day of my life, it was the hardest for Haley. Walking out of that hospital with Jake was the most difficult thing to do. There was weeping on both sides. Weeping on her part for knowing that we were leaving with her newborn son, and weeping on my part to see her hurting. Falling in love this year not only happened with our new son, but it happened with her too. Having an open adoption isn't a hard thing like some imagine. She never wavered in her decision. She chose us to parent him. So why would we waver in our agreement to love her and come alongside her to love this boy as he grows?  Haley has taught me so much this year. And aren't I the old one?!?

The bottom line this year has been love. Loving our sons. Loving watching each other parent. Loving my new "job." Loving this season of life. While turning 35 was hard, it was honestly the best year of my life. I might still have a long life ahead of me, but this year has taught me to live it differently. Live it to the fullest. Seek out moments with God, because I can tell you right now...babies don't make THAT easy.  ;) Prioritize relationships, meet needs, look for ways to use your past hurts to help others heal. I am entering this next season of life  with an open  mind, a prayerful heart, and arms wide open. I can't wait to see how God blesses us this next year. Seriously, could it be any better than this precious little boy?

What are some personal goals you have for your life? I am in a time of deep self-reflection and change. I'd love to hear your goals, your heart, your desires for your life, if you don't mind sharing. I can pray with you.



  1. Love your heart a d your openness. Love how much you give of yourself! Your an amazing woman. And I'm happy to share my hopes and prayers for this year! I dream of finding balance in my life. I dream of my redemption birth for my twins. I see so many little ones become older siblings and seem to get put on the back burner. My prayer fort relationship with Elijah is that he always feels loved and special and that ALL my children feel like favorites.

    1. Beautiful, A! I will pray for those things with you! Congratulations on twins, btw!

  2. Wonderful! So good to see and read!

  3. "She chose us to parent him. So why would we waver in our agreement to love her and come alongside her to love this boy as he grows?" I LOVE this!! I hope someday (very soon?!) that we can have this kind of relationship with our birth mother!

    A very happy birthday to you and your precious little gift!

    (I also really enjoyed reading your breast milk story! I hope that breast milk will be an option for our little one!)

    1. Thank you Charity! I'm still rooting for you guys over here!!!

  4. Thanks. It's truly amazing. It has felt too good to be true since the beginning and is just now STARTING to feel real!