Motherhood has been an interesting journey for me lately. Sometimes I am in a moment and savoring it like nobody's business; while other times I am dying to know what is going on outside these four walls. I have thought often that I am living the dream. It's just that the dream is not easy. I knew it wouldn't be...but here are some things I keep wondering about when life will be "normal" again.
My house was cleaner before I quit my "real job."
I had time to take real showers and style my hair.
I had time to use the restroom without my littlest crying as if the sky was falling while I did so.
I made healthy, fresh-cooked meals that could compete with real cooks.
I could carry a leadership role like nobody's business. Details were my thing.
Laundry was done once a week. Now it is never done. It just migrates.
But you know what?? All of this is growing on me. I have stopped apologizing for the clothes that have taken over the sofa. I have stopped using windex like a mad-woman prior to a pop-in visit. I have stopped worrying about my appearance *as much*. (I am just not the type to let myself go....but curly-hair days? Yes, please. And ALWAYS mascara and lipstick. After all, a day without lipstick is like a day without sunshine.) I have come to realize that it is not my job to impress. I don't have to prove my perfection to anyone. Mainly because I am not perfect, no matter how much effort I put forth. But the main reason? My sons love me. My husband loves me. No matter if the clothes walked from the living room to the bedroom. No matter if the fingerprints are cleaned away. No matter if our meals are "quick" rather than "gourmet." My sons love me.
My oldest is growing into such a handsome young man. He is putting forth great effort in school to keep his grades up. He is spending time with us as a family. He is attending church because he WANTS to. While he has a flair for drama when it comes to sports injuries (that's a whole 'nother story), and he doesn't know the meaning of "light a fire under him," he has such a precious spirit that you can't help but fall in love with him. He is constantly loving on his little brother, giggling with him and kissing him. He has always been so tender towards me. Just this week he gave me the best compliment to date...that I still look 24. Just a few weeks ago, he went to a birthday party down the street. Evidently 3 teens showed up uninvited and with alcohol in hand even though her parents were home. What did my oldest do? The opposite of what the rest of them did. He got his crutches, and he hobbled back down the street 2 hours earlier than curfew. He walked in the front door, sat down and said, "Mom, I want to talk to you about the birthday party I was just at." That takes guts, people. He may not be the most highly motivated teenager ever, but I don't care. He took a stand at a tender age. Wow. My Stayton is so fun, and I count it an honor and blessing to have had the privilege to help raise him for so many years. I can't wait to see what God does with his life. Which college? What major? Which future wife? What career? I love the stage of life he is in because the possibilities are endless. He was the first boy to ever call me "Mom." Before that, I was just "Kawa."
Oh, where do I even begin with Jake? His middle name should have been Drama. EVERYTHING is done with gusto and passion. See this here toy, Momma? I'm gonna destroy it. Look at that puppy mom! I'm gonna pull her hair. Oooooh, another pretty lady! I'm gonna flirt with her till she melts. His smile in bed each morning, to the weary bedtime bottle....his emotions are on his face. He is all smiles...well, at least until he accidentally drops his fake cell phone. He cries like he broke his arm when he drops it. He can't even take a bottle without moving some part of his body. Hands, feet, legs, eyebrows. He never stops...and he hasn't even become truly mobile yet! He is definitely going to keep me on my toes, no doubt.